Existentialism Before Wedding Day
by AMFSky
Summary: Harry is getting married to Ginny but he knows how he feels about Draco. How will he deal with losing the man he loves? Rated T because of suggestiveness and just in case


**Hello all!**

**Seeing as Existentialism on Prom Night by Straylight Run has quickly become one of my favorite songs, I decided to do a nice little mini-fic onit. It's only just over a thousand words and the italics are the song lyrics but I like it. Basically, Harry is marrying Ginny but spends the night before his wedding with Draco. He wonders about it all the morning of the big day. See what happens.**

**Sky  
**

* * *

**Existentialism Before Wedding Day**

_When the sun came up__  
We were sleeping in  
__Sunk inside our blankets  
Sprawled across the bed  
And we were dreaming  
_

It was still vaguely dark outside, or maybe the clouds were just blocking out the rising sun. I could feel the soft flesh of the man by my side and knew this was a mess I wouldn't easily fix. I still could imagine the life we had planned all those years ago. His hands would play in my hair, storm eyes peering so gently at me, as he explained everything we would do, the beautiful house he would buy, the perfect lives we would live. His arms would secure me to the world as everything else passed over us. I would miss the way he felt when he was so close to me. I just knew this would never work and, secretly, he knew it too.

_There are moments when  
When I know it ends  
And the world revolves around us  
_

Everything I had ever needed was in his eyes but it was everything I could never get. I knew that he cared about me and I felt so strongly toward him but it just wasn't supposed to turn out this way. It hurt to admit it when he was a god who had given me access to his all. He was the world when I watched his chest softly rise and fall to the rhythm of his breathing. I could almost see his sweet heart beating steadily below the alabaster skin. That heart could make me melt, become a doll to the gentle hands that no one else got to feel. The thoughts could make me nearly ill with the flood of amazing memories surging into my mind.

_And we're keeping it  
Keep it all going  
This delicate balance  
Vulnerable all-knowing  
_

He stirred faintly under my upper arm, which I realized was still wrapped around his waist as his back pressed into my bare chest. It made me sigh as I touched his cheek and frowned faintly. Would this be the last time I was allowed such close proximity to the other male? I supposed so and I decided I would take as much of him into my mind as possible. I took a deep breath through my nose, inhaling his delicious scent, lavender and vanilla and something uniquely him. I ran my fingers across his face, memorizing ever line and curve of the blemish-free marble. Someone had sculpted a masterpiece when they made his form. How could I so easily cast it aside? And for what? She was pretty, yes, and she was always so in love with me. But how could she ever compare to the angel that slept in my arms? I didn't want to let him go but I knew it was time. The bells were starting to ring announcing the first morning masses. It was time to get dressed, mentally prepared. His body called for me to stay though.

_Sing like you think no one's listening  
You would kill for this  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
You would_

I kissed the male's temple delicately as I removed myself from him, backing slowly away until I could urge myself off of the bed. It seemed so empty with the statue god lying alone amidst the sheets. There was still a dent where my body belonged, cradling his and keeping us both warm. I shut my eyes on the sight and turned so I wouldn't need to bear it again. I knew that if I kept looking at him, at what I was losing, I would give up the life I had promised to her. I stepped away from the scene of my passion and slipped without thought into the clothes I had forgotten on the floor. I waved back to his sleeping figure just once more before I left the hotel room, a note on the door for the man I had given myself to. The ride home in my car was particularly empty with his aroma still lingering on the leather seats. They too seemed empty, though it was for lack of him rather than lack of me. I kept one hand on his seat the entire time until at last I was home and back inside my own bedroom.

_Sing me something soft  
Sad and delicate  
Or loud and out of key__  
Sing me anything_

I wasn't conscious of the stairs I climbed or the doors I opened but soon enough I was in my closet, looking at the tuxedo that was hanging on the door. She must have left it there so I wouldn't forget about it. The thoughtfulness nearly made me smile but I still was too unaware for emotions, too numb. I was in the shower then, washing off traces of him that were tangled in my flesh. I used the lavender body wash she had bought just, perhaps, to make his memory alive on my flesh for a bit longer. It didn't smell nearly as good though when it mingled with my scent and I quickly washed it away with my own soap. I was far removed from myself when I at last stepped out of the spray and dried off, heading back to the closet to put on the matrimonial attire. The clock read 9:30 and I knew the time was coming. By the time the clocks tolled for noon, I would be married to her and he would be a distant memory, something forbidden to think of only in the darkest of nights. This was all my decision, I reminded myself, as I studied the formal suit.

_We're glad for what we've got  
Done with what we've lost  
Our whole lives lay out  
Right in front of us  
_

Soon enough I was in the limousine on the way to the cathedral. Then I was standing at the head of the aisle, peering toward the door where my fiancée would appear shortly. I knew he was standing just off to the side. He had insisted on being my best man. I couldn't look at him as she made her slow procession into the church past the pews of people who looked in awe at her beautiful form. I couldn't be enraptured by her beauty when he was still so close. But I ignored him still as I accepted the hand her father offered to me, letting us stand face to face.

_Sing like you think no one's listening  
You would kill for this  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
You would, you would_

The last scene of my drama began to unfold as the priest spoke and slowly asked if there were any objections to our union. I almost wanted to cry out yes, wanted to tell everyone that it was not this girl I loved beyond all else, but my lips were sealed. I couldn't tell them that I was in love with him when our history had been so crowded with dark spots. Only a few more moments, I thought softly, as I waited for the priest to begin again and finish this ceremony. Every moment waiting for his words was another chance to slip and break her heart. I never heard the next part of the priest's speech though as I felt that oh-so-familiar grasp on my elbow, the hand settling down on my hip as a body came close up behind me.

"I passionately object."

_Sing me something soft__  
Sad and delicate  
Or loud and out of key  
Sing me anything_


End file.
